1. |
Anxious
04:36
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I can hardly breathe, I’m not at all what I seem
Externally I’m jovial but it’s all a facade
Happiness is courted by all
At a ball I’ve been excluded from
I’m experiencing loss and grief
and all senses are askew
Anxiety is building up in me
And so it seems
I’m sullen and bereft
I’ve been carefully drawing the dour feelings out
It seems a hopeless and deluded thing to do
The words to describe this would elude me if I tried befriending them
So I’m left to make amends with a process that’s fucked and I’m beginning to feel numb
Anxiety is building up in me
And so it seems
I’m sullen and bereft
Solace is a sustenance that I can’t find
Solitude an addiction that I can hide behind
Society is a trivial and malignant facade
The pertinence of ideas fruitful and fulfilling
Fleeting and replaced by an all-consuming lifestyle
To lose ourselves in forever and always
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2. |
Grump E
02:49
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You said I never wanted to
Play with you
I never said
I never wanted to
I’m deathly ill from
Doing everything you want me to
Don’t ever say
I never died for you
The caustic cause we pined for
It always changed us for the worse, baby don’t you think so?
The liquids we imbibed to sate our inherent needs
Were only means to an end
The chronic cringing we endured
It didn’t make us picturesque, is only served to solidify
The senseless and reckless endangerment of desire
You said I never intended to
Stay near you
I never said
I didn’t intend to
I’m padlocked in a room for
Doing everything you want me to
You’ll never say
I lost it all for you
I’m ruminating on the gems you discarded
The continuous suffering and sacrifice and giving for nothing
The clothes that moths tore holes through
The lip gloss smeared so thin on lips that lied
Permanently staining your shit mouth
The words were big, they were big but they meant nothing
Well look at the curious cat
Dead in the bag
I’m without a trail of sticks for a safe return
There’s a void and a ringing in my ears
I’ve done everything
Look at everything look at me face the disaster
You said I never wanted to
Be with you
I never said
I never wanted you
I’m deathly ill from
Doing everything you want me to
So don’t ever say
I never died for you
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3. |
The Nocturnal Kind
02:52
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It’s difficult to fall asleep
On nights when I’m
Having another toxic relapse
The day’s events forge through the trope
Like lidless eyes
Shifting sides until they are dry
I put a quarter in the slot
Cradling these thoughts
Yearning for the daylight
I’m just another dope in the dark
Swimming with the sharks
No island is in sight
I’m a connoisseur of dark sensations
Crawling clandestine
Coping with the curse
Of sickly sifting through the smut
Searching for the notions
The ones that feel right
There’s perilous pining at work
Raking up the dirt
Undead corpses calling
In the pitch black night
They come in spite
Murdering by moonlight
I hear their growling
These things are inside
Crushing up my pride
Crazy I feel fine
I’m the nocturnal kind
I’m one who writhes at night
Recanting all things trite
Mentations in short sound bites
A vicious spirit with a blight
Scratching a flea bite
I will never sleep tight
I’ll mingle in a state of twilight
With phrases to write
Revising all night
A creature fond of life past midnight
Lacking wings and bite
I’m the nocturnal kind
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4. |
Equivalence (Sorrow)
03:53
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There can’t be many people who destroy themselves
From within like I do
It’s not easy to hold oneself accountable for the ruin
But then you came into my life
Like an enigma from the blithe
To place duck tape over my trite
And made things all seem alright
I can’t help it
It’s the turn that I’ve taken
It’s a vicious cycle I’m in
I’m not psychotic just insane
It’s a vacuum of vitriol
Do you care for another round?
I have the inkling that nothing will make a difference
I am the cause of my own sorrow
I’ll swallow the ocean in one swig I promise
But I can’t refrain from first traducing a tidal wave
This is the final precursor
Heart on my sleeve and made of wood
It’s a wardrobe of ancient rags
Do you care to try them all on?
I’ve picked an apple over atrophy
I’ll share the sans-sadness synonym
Bearing the burden of my sorrow
Where do you stand to spare yourself from the carnage?
A sorrow came and gone, and still, I am one
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5. |
Clean Shoes
03:39
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I can seldom think of anything that’s more important to me than clean shoes
I can’t think of any films that I watched as a kid better than clean shoes
I just feel at ease when I’m wearing my clean pair of chuckies.
I can think of all the good times I’ve had out while wearing my clean shoes
I can think of all the places and the trips that I’ve been wearing clean shoes
Why I would only feel dismay
If my shoes were given to me filthy today
I wouldn’t wear these filthy you see
Appearances are everything to me
Now give me my clean shoes
Give me my clean shoes
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6. |
Autoloathe
03:35
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I wanted to tell you how pretty you look
But you’re asleep and the wind is blowing you away
Nobody pays you the compliment
Since you balked at your living wake
Lately I’ve not been able to shake you sober
From your chronic corrosive state
Since you’ve been able to utter words
You’ve employed the most caustic to depict yourself
But you’re not petrified, washed up, dead or buried yet
You’re boxed up but you
closed the casket on your own corpse
Take a hatchet to your senses and run hot water
Over your hands
Abscond from reciting the dirges
You’re perpetually muttering under your breath
Then perhaps you’ll learn to cope
Look away is what you say when you’ve made a faux pas
And no one is watching you
Look away when I’m around so that your dour disposition
chlorinates my cause
Look away Because you won’t feel indebted to anyone
Who praises your worth
Look away because the last thing you want is a reminder that
self-loathing’s a jerk
But you’re not petrified, washed up, dead or buried yet
You’re boxed up but you
closed the casket on your own corpse
Take a hatchet to your senses and run hot water
Over your hands
Abscond from reciting the dirges
You’re perpetually muttering under your breath
Then perhaps you’ll learn to cope
Damn your hypersensitivity to every day activity to hell
Wake up with songs in your head and every day is a
Sleeping spell
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
You’ve been in a coma forever forever forever forever
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7. |
IM
03:01
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8. |
Exit Via Side Door
02:28
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I’ve been frightfully, dreadfully painfully manic this week
An amalgam of images strung together from the ceiling
I’m displeased, I’m upset, and in need of a cordial yet.
It’s a terrible shame to conduct in such a manner.
I’m wearing discomfort furtively on my brow
All the condemnation I will disavow
Solemn and with desperation in tow
I’ll exit through the side door, avoiding the main concourse.
I freewheel in chaotic and want not to be captivating.
I’m a pale shade of blue or I’m mauve when I am frantic.
If I feel well I know well to take a cautious step sideways
But for reasons unknown I’ve been prone to atrocious displays
It displeases others when I’ve half finished a round
There’s no sense in starting if there’s no common ground
I’ve still got all my things in tow
Instead of through the stairwell I’ll exit through the side door
I would prefer a life told in shadow shows
Down shown the light shown but not on me
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9. |
Vomit Girl
03:35
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10. |
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11. |
Dificil
03:41
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You’re a man with five cones in his eyes, experiencing colors that no one else can see.
I can’t call you by your pet name
I can’t call you by your pet name
Not you, not me, no
You remind me of songs I never wrote when I was happy
It’s an ideal I admit being addicted to
But the moribund overcomes my creed
I’ve torn to shreds and traded for torment my insular ideals
I can’t call you by your pet name.
I just can’t call you by your pet name.
I’ve murdered my cycle of guilt
Its pattern so hard to discern
Why is it so hard to digress from suffering?
I can’t call you by your pet name.
I can’t call you by your pet name.
I just can’t call you by your pet name.
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12. |
Terrible Things
03:48
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Babay Jicks and The Ghoul Fiends Brooklyn, New York
Post-punk, Shoegaze & Noise band based outta Brooklyn.
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