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Compound To Compound

by Babay Jicks and The Ghoul Fiends

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1.
Anxious 04:36
I can hardly breathe, I’m not at all what I seem Externally I’m jovial but it’s all a facade Happiness is courted by all At a ball I’ve been excluded from I’m experiencing loss and grief and all senses are askew Anxiety is building up in me And so it seems I’m sullen and bereft I’ve been carefully drawing the dour feelings out It seems a hopeless and deluded thing to do The words to describe this would elude me if I tried befriending them So I’m left to make amends with a process that’s fucked and I’m beginning to feel numb Anxiety is building up in me And so it seems I’m sullen and bereft Solace is a sustenance that I can’t find Solitude an addiction that I can hide behind Society is a trivial and malignant facade The pertinence of ideas fruitful and fulfilling Fleeting and replaced by an all-consuming lifestyle To lose ourselves in forever and always
2.
Grump E 02:49
You said I never wanted to Play with you I never said I never wanted to I’m deathly ill from Doing everything you want me to Don’t ever say I never died for you The caustic cause we pined for It always changed us for the worse, baby don’t you think so? The liquids we imbibed to sate our inherent needs Were only means to an end The chronic cringing we endured It didn’t make us picturesque, is only served to solidify The senseless and reckless endangerment of desire You said I never intended to Stay near you I never said I didn’t intend to I’m padlocked in a room for Doing everything you want me to You’ll never say I lost it all for you I’m ruminating on the gems you discarded The continuous suffering and sacrifice and giving for nothing The clothes that moths tore holes through The lip gloss smeared so thin on lips that lied Permanently staining your shit mouth The words were big, they were big but they meant nothing Well look at the curious cat Dead in the bag I’m without a trail of sticks for a safe return There’s a void and a ringing in my ears I’ve done everything Look at everything look at me face the disaster You said I never wanted to Be with you I never said I never wanted you I’m deathly ill from Doing everything you want me to So don’t ever say I never died for you
3.
It’s difficult to fall asleep On nights when I’m Having another toxic relapse The day’s events forge through the trope Like lidless eyes Shifting sides until they are dry I put a quarter in the slot Cradling these thoughts Yearning for the daylight I’m just another dope in the dark Swimming with the sharks No island is in sight I’m a connoisseur of dark sensations Crawling clandestine Coping with the curse Of sickly sifting through the smut Searching for the notions The ones that feel right There’s perilous pining at work Raking up the dirt Undead corpses calling In the pitch black night They come in spite Murdering by moonlight I hear their growling These things are inside Crushing up my pride Crazy I feel fine I’m the nocturnal kind I’m one who writhes at night Recanting all things trite Mentations in short sound bites A vicious spirit with a blight Scratching a flea bite I will never sleep tight I’ll mingle in a state of twilight With phrases to write Revising all night A creature fond of life past midnight Lacking wings and bite I’m the nocturnal kind
4.
There can’t be many people who destroy themselves From within like I do It’s not easy to hold oneself accountable for the ruin But then you came into my life Like an enigma from the blithe To place duck tape over my trite And made things all seem alright I can’t help it It’s the turn that I’ve taken It’s a vicious cycle I’m in I’m not psychotic just insane It’s a vacuum of vitriol Do you care for another round? I have the inkling that nothing will make a difference I am the cause of my own sorrow I’ll swallow the ocean in one swig I promise But I can’t refrain from first traducing a tidal wave This is the final precursor Heart on my sleeve and made of wood It’s a wardrobe of ancient rags Do you care to try them all on? I’ve picked an apple over atrophy I’ll share the sans-sadness synonym Bearing the burden of my sorrow Where do you stand to spare yourself from the carnage? A sorrow came and gone, and still, I am one
5.
Clean Shoes 03:39
I can seldom think of anything that’s more important to me than clean shoes I can’t think of any films that I watched as a kid better than clean shoes I just feel at ease when I’m wearing my clean pair of chuckies. I can think of all the good times I’ve had out while wearing my clean shoes I can think of all the places and the trips that I’ve been wearing clean shoes Why I would only feel dismay If my shoes were given to me filthy today I wouldn’t wear these filthy you see Appearances are everything to me Now give me my clean shoes Give me my clean shoes
6.
Autoloathe 03:35
I wanted to tell you how pretty you look But you’re asleep and the wind is blowing you away Nobody pays you the compliment Since you balked at your living wake Lately I’ve not been able to shake you sober From your chronic corrosive state Since you’ve been able to utter words You’ve employed the most caustic to depict yourself But you’re not petrified, washed up, dead or buried yet You’re boxed up but you closed the casket on your own corpse Take a hatchet to your senses and run hot water Over your hands Abscond from reciting the dirges You’re perpetually muttering under your breath Then perhaps you’ll learn to cope Look away is what you say when you’ve made a faux pas And no one is watching you Look away when I’m around so that your dour disposition chlorinates my cause Look away Because you won’t feel indebted to anyone Who praises your worth Look away because the last thing you want is a reminder that self-loathing’s a jerk But you’re not petrified, washed up, dead or buried yet You’re boxed up but you closed the casket on your own corpse Take a hatchet to your senses and run hot water Over your hands Abscond from reciting the dirges You’re perpetually muttering under your breath Then perhaps you’ll learn to cope Damn your hypersensitivity to every day activity to hell Wake up with songs in your head and every day is a Sleeping spell Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah You’ve been in a coma forever forever forever forever
7.
IM 03:01
8.
I’ve been frightfully, dreadfully painfully manic this week An amalgam of images strung together from the ceiling I’m displeased, I’m upset, and in need of a cordial yet. It’s a terrible shame to conduct in such a manner. I’m wearing discomfort furtively on my brow All the condemnation I will disavow Solemn and with desperation in tow I’ll exit through the side door, avoiding the main concourse. I freewheel in chaotic and want not to be captivating. I’m a pale shade of blue or I’m mauve when I am frantic. If I feel well I know well to take a cautious step sideways But for reasons unknown I’ve been prone to atrocious displays It displeases others when I’ve half finished a round There’s no sense in starting if there’s no common ground I’ve still got all my things in tow Instead of through the stairwell I’ll exit through the side door I would prefer a life told in shadow shows Down shown the light shown but not on me
9.
Vomit Girl 03:35
10.
11.
Dificil 03:41
You’re a man with five cones in his eyes, experiencing colors that no one else can see. I can’t call you by your pet name I can’t call you by your pet name Not you, not me, no You remind me of songs I never wrote when I was happy It’s an ideal I admit being addicted to But the moribund overcomes my creed I’ve torn to shreds and traded for torment my insular ideals I can’t call you by your pet name. I just can’t call you by your pet name. I’ve murdered my cycle of guilt Its pattern so hard to discern Why is it so hard to digress from suffering? I can’t call you by your pet name. I can’t call you by your pet name. I just can’t call you by your pet name.
12.

about

Recorded between 2014 and 2015 in Austin, TX. This is all my angst circa 2014.

credits

released April 10, 2020

Alberto Paez - Vocals, Lead Guitar, Rhythm Guitar, Bass, Drums, Synths, Backing vocals
Marye - Additional Backing Vocals on "Off The Record"
Jared Davidson - says "What do you think about the thing?" at the end of "Exit Via Side Door"

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about

Babay Jicks and The Ghoul Fiends Brooklyn, New York

Post-punk, Shoegaze & Noise band based outta Brooklyn.

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